The Day I Realised My Senior Wasn’t Just ‘Difficult’ She Was Dangerous

Workplace bullying rarely begins with shouting or obvious hostility.
It begins quietly, with small moments that make you question yourself.
At the time I thought my senior was just difficult, controlling, maybe a little abrasive.
Looking back now, I realize those were the early warning signs of something far more dangerous.

At the time I thought my senior was just difficult, controlling, maybe a bit abrasive. Looking back now, I realize these were the early warning signs of something far more dangerous.

The Beginning

When I started a new role in 2025, I thought I found myself the perfect gig, helping offenders while working in a prison. Yeah, I know sounds weird, yet I have a prison officer background so really working in one is no big deal to me.

It’s a strange thing working in a prison, during your workday you really have no idea what is happening in the outside world, you are in a bubble, inside the walls focused on doing what you do.

So, my first day at this new role, looking back was quite strange.

I was met in the carpark and greeted with a hug by my new senior and told ‘oh you’re so little’, yeah, no shit I’m 5ft tall of course I’m little.

Anyway besides that weirdness, when we were in the key room and I was entering the code to obtain my set of keys, I was accused of not taking all the information from the email (not that she had sent it), which of course, I was told off in front of others to make her look more important. I knew my ID code, but I had no idea what set of keys I was meant to have. I remember her saying I must have deleted the email I had received and that I need to be more mindful of deleting important information, then when I tried to challenge this, I was told ‘oh its ok, no big deal I know what key set you need to have’.

Ah hello note to self, looking back that was a clear warning signal, but it was my first day and I was nervous and excited, I’d only been on site a few hours.

Then came the introductions to others who worked at the prison, it wasn’t ‘this is ……’ ‘she is the new ……’, no it wasn’t that simple. It was this is MY new job title and name. Another weird moment, I remember getting a tour around the prison and when we went to a different part of the centre I was asked what qualifications I had, to which I responded a Diploma of Accounting (I used to work as an Accounts Manager and had my own Bookkeeping Business at one stage when I was younger so it made sense at the time). But no, having a Diploma of Accounting was not acceptable and I received ‘What a waste of time, what the hell did you get that for?’. A morning tea was organized for my first day and when she had enough of this and clearly didn’t want me talking with anyone else, she said, ‘right let’s go, work to be done, unless you want to keep talking with everyone’.

Right about now as I recall all of this from my first day I just sigh and think what an egotistic wanker!

Alas that wasn’t the end of it all. I soon discovered she had to tell me who I should and should not talk with or sit in the lunchroom with because they gossip and cause trouble, who I should be aware of regarding the medical team and officers. Who I had to speak nicely with and who were and weren’t the ‘good people’. She also loved to tell and remind the about the chain of command (insert eye roll here).

Now we get to me learning the role, I obviously with my experience as a prison officer had no issues dealing with inmates and my security awareness is pretty good if I say so myself, so no issues there. Yet learning the role, well most of the documents/manuals were on the website yet as my login was not set up yet by her, I could not access them so she would print of bits and pieces of information so that I could read more in depth what was involved and how the role operated. Insert coercive control here by controlling my computer access and what I was given to read.

She would say to me over the first couple of weeks you are a Grade 5/6, you get paid enough, you can organize yourself. Mind you, I still had no computer access, so I tried to read whatever she had given me. I rarely got to read what she gave me on programs and criminogenic behaviours because as soon as she would she me being independent and start reading she would interrupt me and get me to go sit next to her at her computer so that she could ‘show me something’.

 So, lets fast track a bit as this could go on for a while otherwise.

When she deemed me ready to complete the first worksheet intervention we do which is basic and a get to know you, she sat in with me to see how I would go. I thought pretty good for the fact I am not nervous around offenders but no. Due to me not saying the spiel she uses, word for word it was not good enough and especially because I didn’t use her ‘bullseye/target’ analogy I was doing it all wrong.

We got past that (still not sure how, maybe I did her wording once, which shut her up and that was good enough) and we went onto the assessment that we complete. So of course, she sat in on that too, honestly it was my first time, and I was happy to have my so-called experienced senior with me. At the time I did not realise she was not allowing me to use the departments official assessment, and I was going off what she gave me which was her own made-up version of it. I got through that easily, though she interrupted a couple of times to ask the offender something but then we were back in the office and I was not allowed to type up the document of the assessment until she was ready to sit with me and make sure it was right. Then she had me email it to her so she could re-read it and pretty much basically change the whole thing under the guise of ‘it’s ok it is your first one, I am just making it sound better’. Oh, look there is that control thing again.

I learnt quickly that if I didn’t write the way she expected, basically her way and if I tried to write my way that it was wrong, and all types of wrong. I remember being asked ‘do you want to be a mediocre writer or an exceptional one?’ I just wanted a case plans that told the truth and had the facts. I didn’t need fluff added to them as then they were not accurate and kind of fictional. Her case plans also were not always relevant as they focused heavily on the past and not the present.

So, this dance went on for a few months, I would complete assessments then email her to say, ‘Assessment and Case Plan for Offender xyz is ready for review’, the senior had to review all assessments and case plans before you proceed to working with the offender. I would get either spoken to or an email (rarely though, remember narcissists don’t like putting anything in writing), would get her telling me where I did all sorts of things wrong (not her way) then instead of letting me change or update it so I could learn she would just go ahead and do it herself. Once again, a narcissist making sure, they are in control of everything and everyone that they can be.

Now I have tried to reason with this person, ‘let me make the changes so I learn’ to receive ‘no its quicker if I do it’ so not letting me take ownership of my work so she could gloat about how she ‘fixed it’.

Let’s move forward to the beginning of the defining moment of ‘Not Difficult’…. ‘Dangerous’

So, I was getting organised to go away for 4 weeks training, super excited for what I would learn and to meet people in my same situation of learning procedures and how to complete the role accurately. There is this development plan that we must complete yearly which is a Personal Development Plan, they can be annoying but once you understand how you can use this to benefit you and for your professional development it is quite useful.

The Start of the Bomb Drop

In the lead up to me going away, there was a discussion, I believe the week prior regarding me completing the Personal Development Plan (PDP), lucky I had a witness now remember this I had a witness and a reliable one. I asked the question of completing this and senior she said to me ‘you can complete this while you are away, you will have nothing better to do on weekends.’

So, I am away learning what I need to learn and about the third week in I realised I had not even looked at the PDP so I sent senior an email saying I would complete it before I returned as per the conversation we had in the office.

Well, let’s just say the response I got was my first time seeing her true colours. She completely denied the conversation as I told it and she insisted it went another way where she would never tell me to complete this on my weekends and then it started, you misunderstood, how could you accuse me of that. I was confused and questioned what I had heard, maybe I did hear wrong, so I emailed my witness who re-laid everything I thought I had heard word for word. That in fact I had heard correctly and I wasn’t going crazy.

The Return:

When I returned from my four weeks of training, I was a little apprehensive about returning, there had been a couple of mini blow ups over email and text so to speak while I was away between us where she was clearly stating her dominance and control over me and I was starting to push back. Most people take me as easy going yet when backed into a corner I will come out swinging figuratively speaking or not.

So, when I arrived at work, I was greeted with a hundred questions about my training. What did I love, what didn’t I love, how did I find this training, that training etc it was very over the top and overwhelming. I was then told that as it was my first week back that I had to spend the week organising my study moving forward as we had to complete the Certificate IV within 12 months and therefore, I was not to meet with any inmates that week.

Move forward a month and things have changed, she has ramped up her coercive controlling behaviour, criticizing everything I was doing (now I’m doing everything the departmental way I had been taught not her way anymore) and her need to isolate me and control me was getting out of control.

Bomb Drop Incoming:

One day not long after my return I sent her an email, it was direct and to the point, open and honest on my behalf about a situation that happened weekly and how it made me feel. Well, let’s just say you could feel the fury and rage a mile away, I was in a different office at the time, but I could feel it. I received an email back that was let’s just say quite interesting. I responded to the email once again honest and discussing what I was feeling regarding the matter, again an email back and we were in the same office by this stage late in the afternoon.

The BOMB drop:

Before I could even reply to the email, she swung around in her chair, frizzy hair like she’d stuck her finger in a light socket and gave me a tirade, angry and on a war path face. Then she stood up and over me in a stand over manner and continued to question me about this all. Every time I tried to speak she would cut me off before I could get more than 10 words out, she questioned me, asked me what was wrong with me and when I was able to get a few words out I coped ‘You seem to misunderstand and mishear a lot just like with the PDP’s, what is wrong with you?’. I tried to talk again in a calm manner to once again was cut off and basically told you are a problem and what happened at the four weeks training as you are different.

It got so bad that afternoon, in a matter of minutes, that out of pure exhaustion I broke down and became teary. Am I proud of that? No. What I’m not proud of is that I let this person push me so far that she saw a vulnerable side of me that very few people ever see.

So, here is the thing, as soon as I broke down, she changed, she stopped being overpowering and controlling and was happy disguised as concerned. Looking back, I can almost see her smiling through the concerned face, the sparkle in her eyes so to speak that said, ‘yes I beat her down and now I will control her’.

After I left for the day, it was mentioned back to me that her whole demeanour had changed from being angry all day to being friendly, laughing and telling everyone how well we were doing, and our bond was stronger than ever. (insert puking emoji here)

That afternoon was the moment something shifted in me. Up until then I had been trying to make sense of her behaviour, trying to work harder, write better, be less “wrong”. But sitting there while she towered over me, questioning my sanity, I realised something important. This wasn’t a difficult personality. It wasn’t tough supervision. It was manipulation, intimidation and control. That was the day I realised my senior wasn’t just difficult, she was dangerous.

THOUGHT:

A difficult boss challenges your work.

A dangerous one makes you question your sanity.